Need to let this go

I don't know..I never know. But I know. Anyways, remember Gin Blossoms? Oh man, i totally remember this. I was going through my sister's cd stack and picked up this cd and it said " Gin Blossoms". I was like " wow, what a name." So I put it in the stereo and I was like " wow...i'm totally lovin it." That was like....8 years ago. And hardly thought of Gin Blossoms because I was going through that punk music phase. And it wasnt' that poser shit, it was Green Day, Offspring, Minor Threat and all those punk greats. My first impression of Sum 41 "who let these guys out?" Blink 182...when Enema Of the State came out, taht was their like last great record which I didn't like. I didn't like anything else after that. Jimmy Eat World! Then I heard of At The Drive In and boy, was I crazy about the beatles. Well in a good, non-homo way. So yeah, it feels great and i got speechless to listen to Gin Blossoms again. Because it's something about them that whenever I seek relievement or for my mind to be refreshed, I listen to Gin Blosssoms. IT's fuckin awesome. When I listen to other bands, I would think of music to write but not this band, I just listen and feel it. Oh yeah, I LOVVVVVVE IRON MAIDEN.

I hate it how..you're having a conversation with someone and that person doesn't give a shit of what you're saying. It's all about what that person is saying and all you're doing is listen listen listen and get all whatever you listened to. You say something and that person would say something to make you feel stupid. Like "you know why he got fired? Because he wanted to change the wages." Then that person says " well duh obviously. the company doesn't want that. And hiring the new guy was the stupidest thing ever." And you're there like " ok wow...nice respect bitch." SO i'm liek " why the fuck do I keep listening and receive nothing but shit?" Why do I have to be soo fuckin respectful and nice that what I get return (usually) is full of fuckin bullshit? I fuckin had it. I'm the one who always have to compromise with the other and adapt to them, not them adapting to me. It's really pathetic. That's why I can't trust people expect people that understands and actually logical. I hate whiners and I hate people who bitch about thing all the fuckin time. God dammit, change it. Shit. I don't want to fuckin hear your fuckin bullshit and fix the goddamn thing. Stupid silly mother fuckin fucktard. And why teh fuck Do I have to help out? THat's just naturally me. I always want to help out. Man fuck that shit, fix it yourself. It's always about that person's opinion and blah blah blah, man fuck that shit. I don't even know how we still talk. What? Did I grow up too fast? What the fuck is wrong with me then? Is it because i'm not stupid and full of bullshit? Is it because I don't bitch about everything? Is it because I don't change my life for something silly? I honestly like...destroy my fuckin room right now. Or beat the fuck out of someone. Like my neighbor. Playing her music all fuckin loud and shit. Playing some like hip-hop which I don't like so I blasted Metallica back. Stupid fucker.

OK another thing. Immigrants. Especially the illegals. Ok, LEARN SOME FUCKIN GOD DAMN ENGLISH!!! Don't go up to me yelling in spanish about something. "quriennkn-oulaskdmkaghia0j" That's what is sounds like to me. Hear my words "hey moron, learn some fuckin english stupid." Isn't the primary language of The United States english? Last time I checked..uhm....durrrrrrrrrrr. Atleast that japanse lady tourist who's straight out touring and only here for shopping ( well since like a pair of Levi's in Japan would be $130. Well I think that's how it is in South Korea) had the attempt to speak english. Yes it was very broken but she had the will to order in english. And if I was her father, I would say "i'm proud of you." Ok whatever your name is you fullofbullshit latino, this is the United States. THE FUCKIN U.S. OF A. Yeah, there are a shit load of latinos but you know what, learn english. I fuckin will not learn spanish just to take your goddamn order. "Aqui o nevar?" "que pollo? arroz? papas?" I swear to god, I better not say those words ever again. It better be "here or to go?" "what kind of chicken? rice? potatoes?" IN FUCKIN ENGLISH, NOT SPANISH. And same goes with alll immigrants. Learn english for God's sake. If my parents came from South Korea with absolutely no english and now their bi-lingual, you better fuckin learn english. And don't ever, EVER YELL AT ME WITH YOUR NATIVE LANGUAGE OR I'LL YELL AT YOU WITH THE LANGUAGE SUPPOSE TO BE SPOKEN.

Ok if you change your lifestyle, don't suck it up and say "yeah I was always into that." Whatever poser. Not my fault for being delousional and a fake. Oh and guys, don't ever change your life for a girl. Seriously. Don't go Metallica to Death Cab. Or from "being whatever" to "i care".

Did I say I love Iron Maiden?

Seriously, when I start driving, there will be many cases of "where's Eugene?" Because i'll be away. Away from bullshit and people that fuckin irrate me. If you're with me, you're welcome in my mobile. There were soo many times where I wanted to go to the beach and stare at The Sun. The Waves. The Sand. Or a place with no people. I'm so much of a pisces.

My dad might need surgery. Or needs surgery. I think it's some muscle tear or spasms on her shoulder. It like...really worried me and got me pissed. My dad is like 50 and work his ass off everyday. He only has middle school education. Well South Korea middle school education. And he comes to the united states being ignorant of education so what he did was hard jobs. Like a carpet man delieverer. Cleaning pools. More delievery. Then he was lucky to get a job at Hughes Aircraft with something to do with fixing electronic problems. But he was prone to be laid off and it happened. Bought a gift shop and that failed. Taxi driver and that didn't work out. Became a business assistant for this company and that didn't last long. Then became a manager for the great steak and potato. Hate the owner which was his brother in law and my uncle. Quit. Work as a supervisor for the coffee beanery. Quit. Said that everyone was stupid. I agree. Who picks their nose and then serves coffee? Then now owns the Cajun Grill and almost to a full year, he's selling it. He can't handle it. 30 years of hard ass work. It really breaks me and I feel sad and depressed. I'm actually getting teary right now. My mom is an accountant the whole time. My mom is like the hero of the family. It's her income that kept the family going. What really amazes me is how my family and I are in middle class. Also, parents that are U.S. citzens make less than my parents (immigrants). In that case, there are a lot of Asian parents who moved to the U.S. and makes a lot of money. My sister graduated from UCI with a Chemistry major and now works at a chemical lab making great money. And now she's worrying about which Medical Plan to get within her many benefits. My dad's side came with nothing to the U.S. and now their something. Not it's my turn.

I said so much. I hope for the next weeks, it'll be great. I have to be keen on other people so I don't get bullshit from them. Everyday i'm learning about peoples' mentality and society on why they act that way. And also how to refrain from it or compromise in a way to have a positive outcome. Yes i'm an optimist and everyone should be. There is hope.

I love you God. Oh and Jesus, you tha man.